Decidedly on Team Jacob

As usual, I was late for the party and watched Eclipse just this past weekend.  It reminded me of how decidedly on Team Jacob I am.  My reasons are as follows:

  • The wolf guy won’t eat you if you try to get with him.
  • He is always shirtless.
  • You will be surrounded by like shirtlessness in the form of a protective wolf pack.
  • I was going to say he can work on that junky old truck of yours for free; however, if you go with the vampire, you can have whatever car you want and get it fixed at the dealer.  Probably one that will loan you another fancy car for the day.  Plus, you get to live in that badass house of theirs.  Even though it is with a coven of vampires and you’d have to go through a painful change and face an eternity of vampire vegetarianism to stay there.  But that house and those cars are sweet.  So, nix that one.

But the bottom line is, get with the wolf first and then go back to the vampire, because the vampire is destined to be undead forever.  That other sweet tawny flesh is not.  You are like, 18.  You won’t look that different when you are 27 and tired of living in the backwoods with a wolf pack.  Then, you can take up that sappy vampire’s invitation to undying love and bloodthirstiness.  And yeah, it’ll be pervy to be 27 and married to an eternal teenager, but he’s also a VAMPIRE and you’re committing to become a vampire.  So, really, what WON’T you do?

But one thing I like about Bella.  She does not dress like a hooker.  It struck me during the party scene at aforementioned badass house where everyone is in a party dress and Bella is in a 3/4 sleeve button down. Junior clothing these days is so disturbingly provocative.  The mannequins in the windows of Wet Seal and Charlotte Russe look like a lineup of Berlusconi’s future cabinet.  So, thanks Stephanie Meyer, for your portrayal of Bella, wardrobe-wise.  I will try to forget about this though.


2 responses to “Decidedly on Team Jacob

  1. I saw the Jacob doll at FAO schwartz and thought of you. 🙂

  2. El Guapo

    Fantastic Berlusconi metaphor!

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